caressingflames | constellation: domus. [3/3]

constellation: domus. [Kaisoo; pg; au]
threeshot.

I saw a star slide down the sky,
Blinding the north as it went by,
Too burning and too quick to hold,
Too lovely to be bought or sold,
Good only to make wishes on
And then forever to be gone.
- The Falling Star, Sara Teasdale.

Good only to make wishes on, and then forever to be gone.

Kyungsoo’s discovery of Kai’s true origins – surprisingly – didn’t faze him in the slightest. Something in Kyungsoo’s gut told him that Kai was telling the truth – that Kai didn’t have any reason whatsoever to lie to him. So Kyungsoo accepts Kai’s explanation, and spends whatever time he can with Kai. Kyungsoo takes Kai to places Kai’s only ever seen from afar, like the Han River, Lotte World, all the places Kai’s been watching for the past – well, for a really long time.

Kai and Kyungsoo enjoy each other’s company. They go to amusement parks, watch movies, out for dinner at places that serve cheap but delicious food. They always take a more scenic route back to Kyungsoo’s apartment, where they end up falling asleep in each other’s arms on Kyungsoo’s bed. Kyungsoo wakes up every morning tangled in Kai’s arms, and tries his best to wriggle out of them as inconspicuously as possible so Kai won’t wake up. Kyungsoo doesn’t wake Kai until he’s done cooking breakfast.
Kyungsoo’s Literature project is finally coming together nicely, pieces falling into place. He tells Kai this excitedly, so happy with his progress that he fails to notice the sad smile that creeps onto Kai’s face.

It has been a month since that night on the rooftop, and Kyungsoo’s project is due in two weeks. Kyungsoo wakes up smiling, because he always wakes up to a peacefully sleeping Kai. But not this morning. This morning Kyungsoo wakes up to a Kai who seems to be in pain. ‘Kai? Kai, are you alright? Kai – Kai, wake up,’ Kyungsoo’s words seem to fall all over themselves in order to get out. He shakes Kai as gently as he can, and eventually Kai’s eyes open. ‘Hey, Kyungsoo,’ Kai says. His voice is weak, as is his smile.

‘Kai? Are you – are you alright?’ Kyungsoo asks again, worry etched all over his face. ‘I’m fine. It’s nothing really. Could you maybe tell me the date, Kyungsoo?’ Kai asks, propping himself up – painfully, from the look on his face – on one elbow. ‘It’s the 6th. Kai, I don’t think that’s important right now – do you need to go to a doctor?’ Kyungsoo gets out of bed and starts fussing over Kai so much that he doesn’t notice the sadness in Kai’s voice when he says, ‘It’s the 6th already? Full moon again… Time… Does fly…’ quietly, under his breath.

‘Kai? Are you sure it’s nothing serious?’ Kyungsoo asks, snapping Kai out of his reverie. ‘No, it’s not, I’m sure it’s not. Listen, Kyungsoo – I need you to hurry back from class today, alright?’ Kai asks. ‘But… But – but why? Is something bad going to happen? Kai, I can take you to the doctor if you’d just – ’ Kyungsoo begins to fuss again. ‘No, Kyungsoo – listen to me. I’ll still be here when you get off class, okay? Just… Hurry back,’ Kai whispers, with a smile.
Kyungsoo nods and makes Kai breakfast in bed. He gets ready for class and gathers his books to leave. ‘Are you sure you’re going to be fine? I could give classes a miss today you know, and take care of you –’ Kyungsoo offers. Kai shakes his head. ‘No, Kyungsoo, go to class. I’ll still be here, like I said. Just… Hurry back,’ Kai says. Kyungsoo leaves his apartment with a heavy heart, fear in his very bones.

//

Kyungsoo finishes his last class a little later than he thought he would, so it’s almost 7:30pm when he gets back to his apartment. He shoves the door open and immediately yells Kai’s name, knowing Chanyeol doesn’t come back to the apartment until late on Friday nights. ‘Kyungsoo,’ Kai calls, his voice coming from Kyungsoo’s bedroom.

Kyungsoo runs to his bedroom, and receives the shock of his life. Kai is still there – but barely. ‘Kai… You’re… You’re – you’re fading,’ Kyungsoo mutters. Kai smiles weakly at Kyungsoo, still in the pajamas he wore to bed the night before. ‘Yeah. I am,’ Kai says. Kyungsoo feels tears welling up in his eyes. ‘But… But why?’ he asks. Kai motions for Kyungsoo to join him on the bed. Kyungsoo obliges, allowing Kai to wrap his translucent arms around his waist.

‘Where I come from, when someone misbehaves, they are punished. They have to do a good deed and prove themselves before they’re allowed back into the constellation.’ Kai mumbles into Kyungsoo’s hair. Kyungsoo grips the front of Kai’s shirt. ‘What does that have to do with anything?’ Kyungsoo asks, his voice shaking.

‘I heard humans like wishing on falling stars,’
‘Yeah… We do.’
‘Kyungsoo – I am a fallen star. Didn’t you wish that you could understand love better?’
‘Yeah.’
‘And now – now you do right?’

It finally dawns on Kyungsoo what Kai is trying to say. And all of a sudden, those three words he’d been dying to say to Kai didn’t seem worth the sacrifice anymore. ‘No, I – if it means that I’ll lose you then no, I don’t understand – ’ Kyungsoo’s voice was thick with emotion. He didn’t try to hide the tears anymore, they leaked out of his eyes freely. ‘I love you.’ Kai says, loud and clear. Kyungsoo’s heart skips a beat. ‘And I’ve been watching humans for a while now, so I know – I can see that you love me too,’ he finishes.

‘But what if… What if I don’t want you to leave? What if I don’t want to let go of you?’ Kyungsoo asks. ‘To understand love is to understand heartbreak. And Kyungsoo – how do you know how hard you’ve fallen if there isn’t anything to break your fall?’ Kai asks. ‘So… You’re saying…’ Kyungsoo doesn’t know what he himself intends to say, and he’s grateful when Kai cuts him off. ‘I’m saying this isn’t goodbye, Kyungsoo. I’ll be right up there, watching you.’ Kai says. ‘Now let’s take a nap. I’m exhausted.’

Kyungsoo allows his eyes to close, but just before he falls asleep, he whispers ‘I love you,’ to Kai, and gets an ‘I love you too,’ mumbled back in response.

When Kyungsoo wakes up, his bed is empty.

Kai is gone.

//

It has been almost two months since Kai disappeared. Kyungsoo managed to complete what was, in his opinion, his best work for his Literature project. He’s due to get it back soon, and he’s nervous. His Literature grade is the talk of many on campus – nobody has ever been able to rival Kyungsoo’s work. The anticipation for his project grade was threatening to choke him.

He walks into class as punctual as ever, and sits down in his usual seat next to Jongdae. They exchange pleasantries and then fall silent as their professor walks in. ‘Good morning class, I’m handing your projects back to you today,’ he says briskly. Kyungsoo swears his heart is about to pop out of his ribcage as the professor comes closer. His professor drops Kyungsoo’s booklet on the table and slides it toward him. 98% is written in red on the cover. ‘Good job, Kyungsoo. I took marks off for the horribly cliché phrase you put in the back, but overall, excellent work,’ the professor smiles. ‘Whoa Kyungsoo, good job!’ Jongdae pats Kyungsoo on the back, clutching his own work with an 87% on it. ‘What cliché phrase is he talking about? I didn’t put any in the back…’ Kyungsoo mumbles to himself. ‘Come on, man. That’s a really good grade, I don’t think you’ll be able to get a 100% out of him,’ Jongdae says. Kyungsoo nods dismissively and pays attention to the rest of the lesson.

When classes are finally over, Kyungsoo rushes back to his apartment and takes his Literature project out of his backpack. He flips to the back of the booklet and almost drops it when he sees there are words written there. Words that aren’t in his own hand. Words that look like they belonged to… Kai.

Love is something that words can’t define. You feel it with your heart, you feel it with your soul, but most of all, you have to feel it with another person. The kind of person that makes your soul smile, the kind of person that fills the gaps between the veins of your heart. Love is infinite. Love is boundless. Love is us.

P.S: Remember to look up sometimes, I’m watching you. I love you.

Kyungsoo drops the booklet and rushes out of his apartment, forgetting to lock the door behind him. He hasn’t been up to the rooftop in ages – hasn’t been able to go up there without having his heart break for Kai. He’s spent weeks trying to find out the real name of the constellation Kai occupies, but to no avail. So he gave up, and tried not to focus on how his bed still smells of Kai, and how some of Kai’s clothes are still hanging in his wardrobe.

He tries to forget, but not today. All he wants to do is remember.

Kyungsoo reaches the rooftop and is breathless from all the running. He stops to take a breath and tries to steady his heart rate. Once Kyungsoo thinks he’s ready, he looks up.

The constellation is still there, shining brighter tonight. The gap that Kai pointed out that first night has since been filled, and Kyungsoo smiles. ‘I see you, Kai, I see you,’ he whispers, the tears he’s been holding in for the past two months finally flowing down his cheeks. And maybe it’s his imagination, but the particular star he’s staring at seems to glow brighter after he says those words. I see you, too.

Kyungsoo stays up on the rooftop until the next morning, when the sun rises and the stars fade again. Somehow, he feels a lot more at peace. As he returns to his apartment to a frantic looking Chanyeol, who greets him with a ‘Where the hell have you been all night?’, he decides he didn’t need to go through all that trouble trying to find the name of that constellation.

He decides to call it Domus.