exo drabble dump iii.

[.livejournal.com]

catching feelings. [Kaisoo; g]
515w.

He doesn’t usually do this - in fact, almost never does - but the nervousness on his boyfriend’s face and the anxiety in his limbs after the first couple of voice cracks makes Jongin reach out to Kyungsoo, compels him to snake an arm around the older and bring him close, to press his forehead of tanned skin to the older’s paler temple. He knows the rules they both laid down when they first started dating - knows that fan service isn’t part of their relationship and everything is kept strictly backstage and off camera. But he wants to calm his boyfriend’s nerves, wants to let him know he’s there for him, so just as Kyungsoo is caught off guard, just as his nerves momentarily paralyse him - Jongin takes this opportunity to rub his hand up and down Soo’s arm, snatches at the chance to whisper a quiet ‘You got this. I love you,’ unheard to everyone but the boy in his arms before letting him go. He listens as his boyfriend takes a couple of steady breaths, inhalations and exhalations that should be drowned out by hundreds of girls screaming their names and yet - yet, Jongin can hear Kyungsoo’s breaths just fine.

Kyungsoo pulls it off, of course - English words flowing smoothly through the notes his throat finds, pronunciation twenty times less intimidating than the growls Wufan elicits. And he knows he’s going to pay for the stunt he’s pulled later - knows Soo won’t hesitate to give him an earful (and then some) when they get back to the dorm. (But he also knows how best to shut Kyungsoo up.)

So when they’re finally back behind closed doors, when they’re finally just Jongin and Kyungsoo instead of Kai and D.O - when Kyungsoo opens his mouth to start his lecture - Jongin yanks Soo forward and presses their lips together, smirking into the kiss as he feels Soo melt in his arms. ‘You’re welcome,’ Jongin whispers, softly pulling away. His breath is warm on Kyungsoo’s lips and the latter doesn’t bother with a reply before he catches Jongin’s lips again. And really, Kyungsoo thinks, people always tell him he does such a good job of keeping Jongin grounded, of keeping him together, when it was altogether so simple for Jongin to get swept up in the storm that is Kai, SM’s newest golden child, Exo’s face, the stuff of girls’ dreams. But the reality is… Well, Jongin’s really the one who anchors Kyungsoo’s ship, solid and dependable in a sea of uncertainty. Kyungsoo remembers the nights he’d thought of simply giving up - the ache for his own bed and his mother’s cooking instead of the sweat drenched bed in the dorms he has to sleep on because he doesn’t have time to change the sheets and the meagre cafeteria food he has to eat almost overpowering him - and he remembers Jongin’s words, Jongin’s touches, Jongin’s just being there for him.And for that, though he never usually says it - Kyungsoo will always be grateful.

So he says it through his kiss.

so tell me; [Kaisoo; g; wolf teaser!au]
328w.

‘Where the hell did you take him?’ Jongin’s hands balled into angry fists, gathering up the fabric of the front of Luhan’s shirt. ‘What the hell are you talking about?’ Luhan asked, wincing as Jongin pressed him hard against a wall, breath coming out in short pants. ‘Don’t play dumb with me, where the hell did you take him?’ Jongin spat out, forcing Luhan further back into the wall with all the strength his upper body had to offer. ‘I swear to god, I have no idea what the hell you’re talking about!’ Luhan whimpered, chest too compressed to allow proper intakes of breath. Jongin’s eyes were glazed over with rage, darker than their usual brown and all the more dangerous.
He looked Luhan straight in the eye for what felt like an eternity, until the latter’s vision started going black around the edges. Jongin finally let him go, Luhan’s limp body pathetically sliding down the wall before hitting the ground with a thump. Jongin moved away, somewhat wary of the older because, well - his reputation wasn’t a very well kept secret. ‘Who are you looking for?’ Luhan asked after a few long moments, voice still raspy from constriction. ‘It’s none of your business,’ Jongin mumbled, back to the older. ‘Is that really a wise thing to say?’

Jongin wasn’t about to take the bait. Sure, with Luhan’s connections and resources, finding Kyungsoo would be easier than winning street races meant for beginners - but trusting Luhan - giving him information that could break Jongin - wasn’t something Jongin was too readily prepared to do.

But a voice in his head told him it was the right choice, the voice that sounded like warm afternoons and soft lips and love and all the things Jongin missed about Kyungsoo. He was still adamant that this was a bad idea, still unsure as to his decision - but Kyungsoo needed him.

‘His name is Do Kyungsoo.’ Jongin mumbled, voice barely audible.

goodbye. [Kaisoo; pg-13; au]
2378w.

It’s a different kind of fear Jongin has now, in an empty warehouse miles away from anywhere remotely inhabited by people. It’s not the rush of adrenaline that makes his blood race through his veins, it’s not the sharp increase in his heartbeat that makes his chest ache. It’s not any of the things he lives for: none of that ‘fear’ he craves. Instead it’s replaced by an unsettling tilt in his vision, and what feels like highly corrosive acid churning in the pit of his stomach. He’s not used to this - not used to the feeling of helplessness that has otherwise never made an appearance alongside fear in his lifetime. They’ve always been two separate things - two parallel feelings, never to be associated with each other, never to meet and burn him from the inside out.
‘Jongin.’

Yet the two emotions clash horribly in his mind, loud and demanding and terrifying, bringing to his attention the only thing - the only person - who could trigger this reaction.

And there, not ten feet away from Jongin, lying crumpled on the floor - there he was.

+

‘You know what this means right? Being with me?’ Jongin asked, voice full of uncertainty as he looked up at Kyungsoo’s face. They were both at the park on a Sunday evening, when the sun’s just about to set and the children playing around them were just about ready to go home. Jongin and Kyungsoo had comandeered the bench nearest the fountain, a comfortable distance away from the remaining children screaming in delight in the playground. Jongin’s head was cushioned by Kyungsoo’s lap, deliberately ignorant of passers by giving them ‘looks’.

‘It means I get to be with you?’ Kyungsoo replied, eyes crinkling as Jongin’s cheeks developed a light brushing of pink. ‘Soo, I’m being serious right now. The implications of - of this,’ - here he motioned between them - ‘they’re… Well, I’m not worth it.’ Jongin heaved a deep sigh, moving to sit up and cover his face with his hands. Jongin wasn’t just your average high schooler - wasn’t just part of the football team and captain of the school dance troupe. Those things - titles, positions - didn’t even scratch the surface of who he really was.

Because who Jongin was after the final bell let out - after the last minute of dance or football practice was up - was someone completely different. Gone were the easy smiles and the triumphant punches in the air whenever he scored a goal. Gone were the fluid movements and arrangements of limbs just for a show, just in the name of art, of dance. No, once night fell, Jongin was someone completely different. Jongin wasn’t even Jongin anymore - he was Kai.

Kai was the alter ego he’d created for himself when he first started street racing with the bike his father bought him. Kai was suave, cold, and arrogant. Kai won races and lived life on the edge, throwing caution to the wind as easily as he threw punches. Because the life of a street racer - the kind of life Kai lived - was far from a peaceful one. Dissatisfied opponents hunted him down like poachers, determined to beat Kai down just like how he’d beat their pride right out of them. But Kai was never alone - Kai had his own little gang of street racers, lithe and cunning and fast. More often than not, the people whose pride had been stolen in the middle of the race walked away with wounded bodies to match afterward, when they tried to win back their dignity.

He’d never admit it, but Kai secretly loved the thrill.

Which was why, now, in the middle of a park with the love of his life, Jongin sat silently, insides flooded by feelings he didn’t know how to drown out. The kind of lifestyle he led after hours wasn’t one to be proud of - wasn’t one any rational human being would choose. Wasn’t one that was safe.

Especially not for Kyungsoo.

‘Hey,’ Kyungsoo’s voice reached Jongin’s ears as hands wrapped around his wrists, bringing his palms away from his face. ‘Hey,’ Kyungsoo repeated, pulling Jongin’s hands into his own. ‘Look at me,’ said Kyungsoo. Jongin raised his eyes to meet the older’s, those large orbs that always held comfort and warmth. ‘I don’t… I don’t care what you do at night. I don’t care what kind of things you’re into when you’re - when you’re Kai. I don’t care who Kai’s friends or enemies are. I’m - I’m not here for Kai.’ Kyungsoo said, scooting closer to Jongin. ‘I’m here for Jongin. I’m here for the boy who sometimes falls over in the middle of practice because he’s too sleepy to properly aim a kick at the ball. I’m here for the boy who pours everything he’s got onto the dance floor even when nobody’s looking. I’m here for you, Jongin, not for who you are at night.’ Kyungsoo moved his hand up to cup Jongin’s cheek, pulling until all Jongin could see was the world behind Kyungsoo’s pupils. ‘Won’t you please let me be with you?’ Kyungsoo whispered, voice dangerously close to breaking. ‘Yes. If that’s what you really want - if I’m what you really want - then… Then yes.’ Jongin murmured, before crushing their lips together in a kiss. It’s Kyungsoo who pulls away first, breath coming in pants and eyes slightly brighter as he opens his mouth and lets words escape it with trembling breaths -

‘But please, for the love of God - just… Don’t get hurt.’

+

The memory of the afternoon exactly fourteen months and seven days ago didn’t burst forth, vivid and technicolour in Jongin’s mind when he saw Kyungsoo lying helpless on the floor. It reached out with innumerable tendrils, slowly and silently snaking around Jongin’s heart, tightening its grasp gradually until Jongin was sure his heart wasn’t beating anymore. The fear Jongin felt before he saw Kyungsoo was nothing compared to how he felt now. It was as if all his worst nightmares had been brought to life - as if the reality of what he stood to lose was finally solidified in the form of an unmoving Kyungsoo on the ground. All Jongin wanted to do was rush over to his boyfriend, to gather him up in his arms, to hold him tight and to be told that everything would be okay soon.

But Jongin’s wishes have never been practical, nor have they ever been situationally sound. Because right now, standing between him and Kyungsoo, is Wufan. Wufan with his small, unsmiling mouth and his suspiciously blank eyes. Wufan with his intimidating height and even more intimidating stares. Wufan with his men, one of whom was rumoured to have been trained in the martial arts since he was able to walk. The Wufan with more names than people had fingers, the Wufan who could never be traced no matter how much expertise was employed.

The Wufan blocking his path to Kyungsoo.

‘Did you want something?’ Wufan asked, deep voice growling syllables at Jongin. Jongin’s eyes darted back to the taller, keeping a steady glare on him whilst still being able to see Kyungsoo in his peripherals. ‘You have something that belongs to me.’ Jongin answered evenly. ‘Nothing in this warehouse belongs to you, except your life. Unless,’ Wufan took a step closer, a small blade barely visible in his large hand - ‘You want me to take that, too.’ He brought the blade up to rest against the join of Jongin’s shoulder and neck, cool metal pressed lightly against heated skin. ‘Do you want to try talking to me again with a little more respect?’ Wufan asked, volume low, tone dangerous. Jongin glared adamantly up at the man who was inches away from ending his life, but Jongin didn’t care - he didn’t want a life without Kyungsoo, anyway.

+

‘Hey, Jongin?’
‘Yeah?’
‘What… Nah, it’s a stupid question.’

Jongin flopped himself over on his front, propped himself up on his forearms. ‘What is it?’ he pestered, using his head to burrow at Kyungsoo’s side. ‘It’s nothing!’ Kyungsoo said, voice coming out in short pants between giggles because Jongin please you know I’m ticklish. ‘It can’t be nothing,’ Jongin answered, resting his chin lightly on Kyungsoo’s stomach. ‘So tell me.’

Kyungsoo looked at the younger for a long moment, took in the patches of unevenly coloured skin and the way his eyebrows curled onto his cheeks when he blinked. ‘What if… What if I died?’ Kyungsoo asked, voice coming out smaller than he’d expected. Jongin’s head shot up, eyes filled with alarm as he looked into Kyungsoo’s. ‘Is.. Are you…. Soo, are you sick?’ Jongin asked, pushing himself up to sit cross-legged. Kyungsoo laughed, rhythmic laughter falling serene on Jongin’s ears. ‘I’m not, I’m not. Calm down,’ Kyungsoo answered when he finally managed to take a breath. He yanked Jongin towards him, lying the younger flat on his back before throwing himself over him, wrapping his arms around him and burying his face in his neck.

‘I was just curious,’ Kyungsoo mumbled. Jongin’s arms came up to wrap around Kyungsoo’s waist, before moving to run his fingers through his hair. Jongin took a few deep breaths and watched as Kyungsoo’s head moved up and down on his chest. ‘Soo…. If you died…’ he began, mildly wondering where his words were coming from. ‘Yeah?’ Kyungsoo prompted, heart starting to beat a little more rapidly because Jongin was seriously answering him.

‘You’ll have to save me some space behind you on the river Styx.’

+

Jongin clenched his jaw, feeling the blade move just a little higher up on his neck to rest where his vitals were. ‘No? You don’t want to ask me nicely?’ Wufan asked in a condescending tone, as he pressed the blade in just enough to break skin. A brief bout of pain shot up Jongin’s neck, but he didn’t say a word, didn’t scream. He was not about to give Wufan the satisfaction. ‘You have two choices here, Jongin. Ask me nicely, and I’ll spare your little boyfriend. I’ll let him walk away and make sure he doesn’t look back when I slit your throat. Or,’ - and here, Wufan pressed the blade in justa little further - ‘You walk away, with your pride and your limbs intact - after I slice open that pretty little boy we have on the floor there.’

Jongin’s vision started to cloud over, tears flooding his eyes and blurring people and things together in random blobs of colour. He tried holding the tears in for as long as he could, but they escaped and ran treacherous trails down his cheeks. Taunting jeers filled his ears as members of Wufan’s gang ridiculed him - look at him, the mighty Kai, the unbeatable Kai, crying like a baby just because of a little cut - but he also heard the sound of a person stirring. Kyungsoo’s previously immobile form shifted, clothes rubbing noisily against the floor as Kyungsoo pushed himself up into a sitting position. Jongin was reileved that aside from a bruise on his temple, Kyungsoo was fine, but that relief was quickly snatched away when one of Wufan’s men grabbed Kyungsoo with a vice-like grip, so Jongin could practically see the constriction around Kyungsoo’s windpipe.

‘I see your friend decided to wake up from his little nap just in time for you to make your decision, Kai. Which will it be? Are you going to sacrifice your pride and yourself for this kid? Or is your pride more important than he is? Would you be able to take watching him die? Knowing his blood will be on your hands?’ Wufan asked, menacingly bringing Jongin’s attention back to him. ‘No, no Wufan please… I just… Please. Please let Kyungsoo go. He hasn’t got anything to do with any of this. If you’ll just… If you let go right now, I’ll get down on my knees, I’ll beg. Anything, just… Let Kyungsoo go. That’s all I ask.’ Jongin answered. Wufan smirked and let go of Jongin, who immediately fell to his knees to beg for Kyungsoo’s life. ‘Jongin, stop! I can’t - I don’t want to live if you’re not there living with me!’ Kyungsoo yelled, voice loud and hoarse in the otherwise silent warehouse. ‘Jongin please!’ Kyungsoo screamed.

What happened next happened so quickly Jongin almost didn’t catch it. With adrenaline pumping through his small frame, Kyungsoo managed to throw off the man holding him, unintentionally catching the nearest one square in the chest, knocking all the wind out of him. But just as Kyungsoo got to Wufan, just as he was holding his arm out to Jongin to catch his fingers and intertwine them, a blade wielded by who must’ve been Wufan’s martial artist appeared in the middle of a stain of red in the chest of Kyungsoo’s shirt. Kyungsoo’s eyes widened in surprise, body falling to the floor with an unceremonious thud just before Jongin appeared at his side.

‘Kyungsoo! Kyungsoo please, don’t… I can’t… Please don’t leave me….’ Jongin said, eyes tearing and tears falling onto Kyungsoo’s blood soaked chest. ‘Jongin… This life… Isn’t the one… Where we get a happy ending. Maybe….. Maybe some other time….. Maybe then we’ll get our happily ever after.’ Kyungsoo rasped. Jongin shook his head, over and over as Kyungsoo’s eyelids started fluttering rapidly. ‘Jongin… I love you. Forever.’ Kyungsoo whispered, his last breaths embracing the skin of Jongin’s hands, heartbeat slowing under the latter’s palm. ‘I… Soo, I love you too. Forever, too. Yeah.’ Jongin said, voice sounding like he’d got a golf ball lodged in his throat. Kyungsoo managed a weak smile for Jongin, just before the light and the warmth behind it went out. Jongin knew what he had to do. There really wasn’t any question to it - it was only a matter of time. He lifted his head and looked down at his hands, smeared with blood and Kyungsoo’s death. He looked down at the unmoving body and made his decision.

‘I’ll see you at the river Styx.’

The last thing Jongin remembers is a sharp pain in the vicinity of his chest, attached to a knife with his own fingers wrapped around the hilt.

Everything went black.

dear jongin, [Kaisoo; pg-13; au]
769w.

i exist only in the spaces between one heartbeat and the next, accelerated tenfold by the wrongs of all your rights.

i watch through sleep heavy eyes as you gather yourself and come down from your high, bare chest heaving up and down in an effort to steady your breathing. your deep inhalations and exhalations stop as your breathing becomes even, measured, like it was just before.

just before.

my mouth goes dry and my throat is too rough to let me voice a protest, sandpaper grating in place of vocal cords. it is because of this i am silent as you make to get up, to clean up, to dress yourself. your body moves a little less fluidly than it usually does, spent because of exhaustion, spent because of me. your limbs are lethargic, and i see the struggle apparent on your face as your mind knows you should hurry but your body is too drained to do so. a small smile appears across the stretch of my lips, satisfied because i made you like that. happy because i made my mark on you, if only for now, if only for the moment.

but you never notice.

my eyes trace over every inch of your skin as you pull on clothes, as the fabric begins to obscure you from me. it doesn’t matter, it never does - i know how you look like completely bare, memorised the vast expanse of your skin. i briefly wonder if you do the same to me, a fleeting thought too errant for future pursuance. i doubt you count the moles on my skin the way i have yours, i doubt you know the curves of my body the way i do yours. i am but a mere distraction to you, a convenient escape from the real world, nothing but a toy to you.

i have a heart.

your phone lights up and vibrates and i see his name and photo come up on it. your movements still, breathing hitch, until the alert dies down and the call goes unanswered. i want to tell you that you should’ve picked it up - to tell you that you should have spoken to your boyfriend in loving tones, to tell you that you should have assuaged all his doubts with a simple ‘i’m coming home now, love.’ It’s a stupid thing for me to think - one that puts my self worth below rock bottom - but my mind will tell me that my self esteem is not worth as much as your happiness.

my heart makes me believe it.

my eyes flutter shut the moment yours flit to meet them, and i try my hardest to feign a sleep that won’t come easy even after you leave. my heartbeat is erratic, a traitor to my breathing and i try my best to remain indifferent to your movements, to you narrowing the gap between us. you are in such close proximity that i can feel your breath on my chin, but i force myself to remain indifferent, force myself to lie motionless. your lips brush softly against mine and then you pull away, push the hair in my face out of it. tears threaten to escape from underneath my closed eyelids at the thought of you leaving (which you do, shortly after) but they remain unshed, sensibility finally overriding my emotions.

because you will be back, after the next fight and the next. you will take me again however you please, because you know that what you want is what i want as well. you will make me yours, again and again, until my heart pumps blood through my veins in time with yours, until my brain ceases to function as you set my nerves on fire. you will make me yours, struggle to keep me yours, without even realising the chains that bind me to you are wound so tight around me that i can barely breathe.

you will make me yours, but you will never let yourself be mine.

you will come back again and again, kim jongin, just as you have in the past, just as you are doing now in the present, so it shall be in the future. and i will accept you with open arms, i will never push you away though every last bit of sense i have left screams at me not to let you do this to me anymore - i will turn deaf to the cries of my own self esteem.

all because - and i will never verbalise this - all because i love you, and i am sure i always will.

do kyungsoo.

Comments

[jonginspuppy.livejournal.com]

That oneshot ;;;;;
I'm seriously crying reading that 2k words from you T_T

[sharoooney.livejournal.com]

waaah i loved every one of those! the oneshot made me cry and the last drabble, too... ;A;
you are such an amazing writer, being able to move your readers like this!!