sympathy in the form of you (crawling into bed with me.)

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sympathy in the form of you (crawling into bed with me.) [Kaisoo; pg-15; CEO!AU]
6689w.

somewhere between the lines of black tie events and sleepless nights, Jongin and Kyungsoo find each other.



For saph (coaled), who lets me spam her on line with whatever crosses my mind, and for huiru (hokaidos), whose boobs are shaking in excitement.


Dreams are meant to be kept within the pages of one’s slumber, wishes that are meant to be pressed between those pages and only shared glimpses of with the outside world. They are supposed to come alive just as one falls asleep, rapid eye movements triggering images of worlds unseen behind closed eyelids. They are supposed to die when one awakens, the light of reality piercing through the veils of mirages in the darkness, a haven for those who have none, an escape for all the souls trapped in an unwanted reality.

But sometimes dreams do not behave in the manner to which most people are accustomed – sometimes dreams come to life, come true through avenues previously unthought of.

Sometimes the people in our dreams step right out of them, in the most unceremonious ways.

//

The first day on the job Kyungsoo already receives warnings from several members of the staff, quiet whispers of it’s not the father you have to watch out for, it’s the son. Kyungsoo cannot for the life of him understand why everyone around the office seems to have more fear (or was it respect?) for the youngest – and only – son of their boss than they seem to have for Mr Kim himself.

Said “son”, when Kyungsoo first sees him, is nothing short of a work of twisted art. His eyes are dark with the faintest bags underlining them, battle scars the result of nights spent memorising faces and names of various business associates, but piercing and beautiful nonetheless. His body is all lean muscle and clean lines, well-dressed in a suit Kyungsoo’s sure would cost him at least a quarter of his monthly salary. The youngest child of the current CEO of the Kim empire walks with confidence, the heels of his polished shoes pressing measured steps into the ground as he takes in his surroundings, greets some employees before – before his eyes fall on Kyungsoo.

Jongin stops short for a minute, something in his cool demeanour wavering as he gives Kyungsoo a once over. Kyungsoo would be lying if he said Jongin’s gaze didn’t feel like he was searing judgements into his skin, but he’s proud of himself because he doesn’t flinch. His eyes are fixated on Jongin’s even as they wander up and down Kyungsoo’s body, taking in all of his appearance. Finally Jongin’s eyes meet Kyungsoo’s again, and a small smile only serves to bring out a different kind of beauty on Jongin’s face.

Kyungsoo is somewhat apprehensive when Jongin steps closer to him, expensive cologne lingering around him that he wears like a veil of confidence. Jongin holds out one tanned hand to Kyungsoo, who looks at it incredulously for all of two seconds before he grabs it, gripping Jongin’s fingers in a firm handshake.

‘What’s your name?’ Jongin asks, something that could almost be genuine interest in his eyes and his voice. Kyungsoo squeaks out a response, but still his gaze does not waver. Jongin snickers softly, letting go of Kyungsoo’s hand before clasping one of his own on Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

‘Welcome home, Kyungsoo.’

//

Weeks pass and Kyungsoo finds himself adapting to the atmosphere in the office. He makes friends with other members of the staff: Chanyeol from publicity, Luhan the translator, Baekhyun from accounting. They’re all warm and friendly and help Kyungsoo settle in quickly, and once the more demanding tasks begin taking a toll on him, Luhan sees that Kyungsoo always has a cup of warm coffee in the mornings, black, because he’s going to need it.

Kyungsoo gets the experience he wants, of course: he sits in on most meetings with Mr Kim’s clients, observing their mannerisms, the way they speak and the way they do business. He gets pointers from a (surprisingly, what with all the rumours he’s heard) patient Mr Kim regarding proper dress, and though Chanyeol is usually a hapless mess in everyday life, he manages to teach Kyungsoo etiquette he needs to observe at fancier events.

He learns to wake up early enough that his eyes don’t show any signs of sleep because Mr Kim is all for alertness and being at the ready to work, and he learns the locks on the front door to the Kim family’s townhouse. He learns that Mrs Kim is nothing like the magazines make her out to be, she’s pleasant and caring and sometimes, when Kyungsoo is late enough dropping off documents, offers him dinner packed and neat so he doesn’t have to feel like he’s imposing on them and can go home and eat it with the pretty little girlfriend she’s sure he has.

Kyungsoo always takes the food from her graciously, bowing low with a large smile before he exits the house, locks up and hails a cab back to his place. He stares gloomily at the food she’s packed for him, knowing full well that it’s enough to last him two nights, because when he unlocks the door to his apartment and kicks off his shoes, there isn’t anyone there waiting for him, and Kyungsoo feels terribly alone.

//

Kyungsoo spends most of his time, nowadays, at the office. Mr Kim works late into the night and sometimes attends functions that last until well past midnight, and Kyungsoo is perpetually exhausted. He has file upon file of faces and names and family and business backgrounds stacked on his desk this particular Monday morning, people he has to know like the back of his hand by the gala on Friday night.

He sighs heavily as he opens the first file and stares at a photo of a man and his name and all these other particulars Kyungsoo doesn’t really care about, when Luhan pulls up a chair and settles in next to him. ‘PR stuff?’ Luhan asks, setting a mug of hot coffee down on the Pororo coaster Kyungsoo keeps on his desk, a mug of his own in his other hand. ‘Yeah. I have to suddenly know all these people I’ve never met by this Friday,’ Kyungsoo mumbles, memorising the man’s family members. Luhan lets out a low whistle and watches him work. There isn’t much trade going on with China, so he’s got more than a little free time on his hands.

‘Morning, boys,’ comes the deep rumble of Mr Kim’s voice as he passes the two by, disappearing into his office with a smile. Luhan’s eyes follow after Mr Kim’s form until his doors slam shut, and he reclines back in his chair. ‘Good boss?’ Luhan asks, eyebrow quirking up. Kyungsoo nods curtly, eyes still scanning the contents of the page. ‘He’s really nice, intelligent, all those things you’d expect him to be. But once he goes in the boardroom to close a deal – wow.’ Kyungsoo says. ‘Vicious? Cut throat? Absolutely merciless?’ Luhan asks with enthusiasm.

‘I am all of those you’ve just said, now could you please bring me the translated contract I’m supposed to look over and sign on, Luhan?’ Mr Kim’s voice crackles a little over the speakers of Kyungsoo’s desk phone, and Luhan turns bright red and hastily makes off to his own desk, passing Kyungsoo by one more time as he steels himself before entering Mr Kim’s office.

Kyungsoo chuckles a little to himself as he moves on to the next somebody, a woman with a powerful looking nose and eyebrows that seem to make her seem perpetually surprised. He works his way through the first file within an hour, during which Luhan exits Mr Kim’s office and heads straight back to his cubicle, face red and mouth drawn in a grimace. He’s too absorbed in his work to notice that it’s almost lunchtime, too busy trying to know a person he’s never met before to notice lean legs covered in black slacks appearing by the side of his desk, a figure whose hands are both tucked in his pockets, whistling lightly to try and get his attention.

A loud clearing of the throat finally gets Kyungsoo to tear his eyes away from the file and look up – subsequently forcing said eyes to bug out, because goddamn Jongin looks really good in a dress shirt and tie. Jongin gives him a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes and Kyungsoo feels his mouth go dry. ‘I’m here for lunch with my father,’ he says simply. ‘Um – he’s in there if you want to go right in I d –’ Kyungsoo stops short at the sight of the growing smile on Jongin’s face. ‘Didn’t he tell you? Nobody goes in there uninvited, Kyungsoo. Not even me,’ Jongin says, a somewhat bitter undertone to his voice.  Kyungsoo’s eyebrows furrow in confusion, because sure, Mr Kim was the head of a wildly successful corporation, with branches worldwide, but he was also a father, and Jongin was his son – why wouldn’t the latter be allowed into his own father’s office without permission?

‘It’s a very long story,’ Jongin says, eyes leaving Kyungsoo’s just as the door swings open and Mr Kim exits his office, jacket in hand. ‘Hello, Father,’ Jongin says, greeting him with a little bow of his head. ‘Son,’ comes the reply, before Mr Kim turns to look at Kyungsoo. ‘I’m going to be gone an hour or so. Take a break, those files really aren’t all that fascinating, after all,’ Mr Kim says, a small smile so similar and yet so different from Jongin’s on his lips. He turns to walk away, and Jongin gives Kyungsoo a parting salute and a ‘See you around,’ before trailing after him, exuding an attractiveness Kyungsoo can’t seem to resist.

The quiet sadness in Jongin’s eyes haunts Kyungsoo for the rest of the day.

//

Jongin comes in a little more than usual now, and soon his father decides his stint on whichever floor he was on has been long enough, and moves him into the office next to his own. Jongin doesn’t say much, shows up to work every day on time, leaves his office only for lunch and bathroom breaks. Sometimes the light under the door is still there even when Kyungsoo’s packing up to leave and it’s past ten, and it’s silly, but Kyungsoo worries.

He worries because the bags under Jongin’s eyes grow darker by the day, he worries because Jongin never speaks to anyone in the office, opting instead to greet them all politely before disappearing into his room again. He worries because it seems that Mr Kim spends more time talking to Kyungsoo than he ever does to Jongin, and he wonders if the spark in Jongin’s eyes when he sees Mr Kim speaking to Kyungsoo is one of jealousy.

He worries because Jongin had called this place his home, but he hovers around it like a stranger that doesn’t belong, and Kyungsoo wonders if it in any way reflects how the younger feels about his actual home.

He wonders if Jongin’s lonely too.

//

Kyungsoo dreams of realer things, sometimes. He dreams of things close enough for him to touch even when he’s awake, dreams of things that aren’t so farfetched or too far into the future for him to see from where he’s standing now. He dreams of tanned skin topped by immaculately coiffed hair, of deep brown eyes framed by lashes longer than his own. He dreams of an unspeakable sorrow buried under calculated confidence, and even when he’s dreaming he feels a yearning to reach out and touch the heart of such a beautiful being, dreams of wanting to cure his loneliness.

Kyungsoo’s dreams are mostly of Jongin.

//

It’s late at the office one night when Kyungsoo’s going on his fifth month on the job, and everyone has left the office hours ago. Kyungsoo sits by himself in front of his computer, trying to schedule a video conference with an American client, the light from the monitor illuminating his face. He’s been waiting on a confirmation for the past hour, and thanks the high heavens above when it finally comes. He writes down the time in his planner and on a post-it for Mr Kim, when his phone rings and the latter’s name pops up on the screen.

‘Good evening Kyungsoo. I may have left behind a document on my desk that needs delivering to my son’s apartment. I am aware that it is quite a bit late in the night right now, but it is very important that you get that to him tonight.’ Mr Kim’s voice echoes throughout the office on speakerphone, and Kyungsoo assures his boss that he’ll get it done before hanging up. He packs up to leave and hails a cab, resting his eyes on the way to Jongin’s apartment.

He’s buzzed up by the doorman who’s got instructions from Jongin to let him in, and Kyungsoo feels an inexplicable sense of dread wash over him. His hands hesitate to grasp the knob, skin turning almost as cold as the metal it touches. The door isn’t locked and Kyungsoo pushes it open softly, aiming to just drop the document on the nearest available flat surface and run straight home. But there aren’t any empty tables near the door, and though he doesn’t really want to, Kyungsoo finds himself venturing into another room, one that seems like a living room. He’s about to ditch the document and run when he notices that there is a person moving in the middle of the room, and there is barely any light illuminating the space. He’s rooted to the spot, all of a sudden – unable to move, unable to make a run for it.

Warning bells go off in Kyungsoo’s head, decibels high enough that he feels as though the sound pierces through one eardrum to the other. Everything about the scene before him – the dimmed lights, the heavy beat of soft music and the dancer in the middle of the room – tells him that he should go, that his personal assistant duties end here, that he’s blatantly staring at his employer’s golden child and he needs to stop. But he’s enticed by the moving figure, the graceful movements, flourishes his own clumsy muscles could never hope to imitate. His eyes follow every gesture and he’s awestruck, and quite literally, can’t move, forgets, even how to breathe.

His intrusion doesn’t go unnoticed for very long, however. This was, after all the heir of the Kim empire he was spying on – the youngest in a long lineage of men known for their constant vigilance and viciously keen eyes for business – so it really shouldn’t surprise Kyungsoo as much as it does when chocolate brown eyes settle on him, but when they do, he feels his heart leap out of his chest, plummeting down to the floor.

Kyungsoo feels caught.

Jongin’s movements halt immediately, a cessation of fluid dance, and Kyungsoo almost wants to beg him to go on. He’s never been one to understand art – nods politely at artists who explain with gusto the significance of each brush stroke, each subtle shift in colour – but with Jongin, with Jongin’s moves and Jongin’s body Kyungsoo feels he doesn’t need words. Jongin’s mouth curls up in one corner, a smirk born of confidence, exuding a charisma Kyungsoo envies. Jongin backs himself up onto the long couch, body slick with perspiration that makes his shirt stick to expensive leather. He crooks one finger at Kyungsoo, eyes never leaving the latter’s, and mutters two words Kyungsoo knows he won’t have the will to disobey.

‘Come here.’

Kyungsoo doesn’t go home that night.

//

He wakes up the next morning to cold sheets and a shower running, last night’s clothes still rumpled messes on the floor. He blinks blearily at the bathroom door, realisation dawning on him as dread washes over him, sparks of discomfort travelling through his nerves, ending in his fingertips. He doesn’t know what he’s meant to do – doesn’t know if Jongin usually showers this long, or if he’s pointedly giving Kyungsoo enough time to make a quick exit – and his brain doesn’t seem to be working right, so he lies there, body unmoving, covering as much of his skin with the blankets on the bed.

He’s debating whether or not running out would offend his boss’ son, wonders if just leaving nothing but the imprint of his body on Jongin’s sheets will hurt the latter’s feelings when the water stops running. Kyungsoo lies there breathless as the door clicks open, and a tanned body with a towel swathed around his waist makes its entrance. Kyungsoo’s eyes flutter shut fast enough for him to hope Jongin doesn’t notice.

Jongin inches ever closer to Kyungsoo, until the latter can feel the ghost of his fingertips hovering over his forehead. Jongin leans in and Kyungsoo all but stops breathing until –

‘I know you’re not asleep,’ Jongin’s voice has his breath fanning over Kyungsoo’s forehead, and his eyes fly open, only to be met with Jongin’s own, inches away. Jongin smirks and pushes himself off the bed, making his way toward the dressing table.

‘What does this mean –’

Kyungsoo’s words are cut off by a mirthless laugh that escapes Jongin’s lips. The sound is cruel and all-consuming, and it traps Kyungsoo in a way that even his heart can’t beat anymore, frozen in place by the ice dripping off Jongin’s laughter. ‘Nothing, I guess. It means nothing. Now go home and get changed, or you’ll be late and Father will not be pleased.’

Kyungsoo feels a blush colouring his cheeks as he picks up his clothes and gets dressed in front of Jongin, whose eyes linger on every last slither of the older’s skin as he watches. Jongin’s arms are still folded across his bare chest and he’s leaning against his dressing table when Kyungsoo digs around in his pockets for his phone, a little smirk forming on his lips as Kyungsoo notices it lying just by Jongin’s hip. Kyungsoo’s eyes dart upwards to meet Jongin’s, and when the latter shows no sign of moving, he darts forward to retrieve his phone, only to have his wrist snatched up by Jongin’s warm, strong hands, only to feel himself be tugged against Jongin’s body.

Jongin claims Kyungsoo’s lips in a kiss that has him feeling like his body is floating, one that leaves him weak at the knees and wanting never to let go. He does, though, when Jongin gently pushes Kyungsoo off him, bedroom eyes boring holes straight through Kyungsoo. ‘I’ll see you at work,’ Jongin whispers, and Kyungsoo takes it as his cue to leave.

‘Nothing yet,’ Jongin calls out.

//

A couple of weeks pass and Jongin barely acknowledges Kyungsoo, making the latter feel like nothing but a note-taking machine at Mr Kim’s elbow during meetings and conferences, taking down ideas and dates and names and places in minute handwriting, pausing only to allow Mr Kim to whisper something in his ear from time to time. Jongin’s now a fixed figure in all the meetings and conferences, a younger version of his father, learning the ropes before the company is handed over to him.

It’s in one of these meetings that Kyungsoo suddenly feels like there are eyes staring intently at him. It’s a curious feeling – none of these people deem him important enough to look at, for the most part, don’t even acknowledge his existence. But there’s a gap between one important man speaking and the next and Kyungsoo uses this opportunity to look up from his notebook and take a look around.

Sure enough, there are eyes on him. Familiar brown ones that have seen almost everything Kyungsoo has to show.

Kyungsoo fights his blush down, tries not to meet Jongin’s eyes anymore for the duration of the meeting. After all, this was his job, and as attractive (and good in bed) as Jongin was, he was still his boss’ son. It wouldn’t do him any good to get involved with Jongin: a relationship with the latter would only result in tabloids chalking him up to a favoured hire, would disregard any of his future endeavours as his own instead of as the consort of the most privileged prince of Korean business.

There are dreams Kyungsoo can feel just within his reach, but at this point, he’s not sure which dream he’s thinking about.

The meeting ends and people begin to file out of the conference room, ludicrous amounts of money having changed hands, contracts with freshly penned signatures within Kyungsoo’s grasp. He heads out of the room after Mr Kim, plants himself at the desk after his boss announces his leave. He’s got a load of things to take care of and he’s thankful that the meeting ran so late, because there isn’t anyone else left on the floor and he can concentrate and get to work.

Just when he’s done with his last piece of paperwork and shuts down his computer, he registers that he isn’t quite alone. There is the sound of even breathing in the background, and he can think of only one person who’d still be here at this time of night. It’s almost midnight on a Friday, after all, and even Baekhyun had torn himself away from his budgets a few hours ago to go on his first date with Chanyeol.

Kyungsoo doesn’t say a word. He keeps his mouth shut and his lips pressed into a thin line, picking up his briefcase and shrugging on his jacket as he makes to leave. It’s not that easy, of course – the door is blocked by a single arm, and Kyungsoo’s eyes finally fly up to meet Jongin’s, and he registers, with a pleasant feeling in his veins, that Jongin is smiling a little warmer than he usually does.

‘Take you out to dinner?’

//

Dinner consists of a hot cup of ramen and some leftovers in Jongin’s apartment. Dinner consists of talking about things that don’t have anything to do with what goes on in board rooms, with socialites and businessmen that hold no relevance in their lives without their influence over others. Dinner consists of Kyungsoo telling Jongin everything there is for him to know, and of Jongin smiling wanly as he listens to Kyungsoo. Dinner consists of, Kyungsoo thinks, Jongin peeling away at each carefully constructed layer of Kyungsoo’s being with a cool composure, keeping his own self well under wraps.

Kyungsoo spends hours talking about himself, and doesn’t know much about Jongin by the end of the night.

What he does know is how the contours of Jongin’s body dip in exactly the right ways, how easily his skin bruises when Kyungsoo presses his fingertips in hard enough, how the skin just behind his ear is the place that draws out the most beautiful sounds from the younger man. He knows how Jongin likes to hold and be held, he knows that Jongin’s sharpness is nothing but an act, knows how soft he could be if the world would let him.

He knows that something inside Jongin has been broken for a long, long time.

//

Their lives go on like this: Jongin and Kyungsoo are nothing but co-workers of sorts, exchanging pleasantries in the office, assisting each other if the need arose. They exchange nothing but appointment dates and requests for fresh printing paper, nothing more than cursory glances at each other when their eyes meet. But outside of the conferences, outside of the building that makes and breaks people, outside of the ever watchful eyes of the judging public: that’s where they exchange touches and kisses, that’s where they allow themselves to melt into each other, two bodies needing warmth from the other, two lonely people coming together, except not really.

Because what they have isn’t a proper relationship, not by definition. What they have doesn’t really have a name. They are to each other as they have always been: not quite lovers, not quite just friends. Jongin’s hands know Kyungsoo’s body just as well as Kyungsoo’s knows Jongin’s, but Jongin the person – the twenty four year old man whose only genuine smiles are never caught by the press – is still as much a mystery to Kyungsoo as ever. Jongin’s got the same cold and unrelenting touch his father has, except where Mr Kim stops, lets go when the deal he wants has been sealed, Jongin doesn’t. Jongin’s fingers are ice cold and unforgiving, a poison grip around Kyungsoo’s heart, and Kyungsoo’s all but certain that Jongin has no intention of letting go, wants, instead to hold on until he wrings Kyungsoo dry, until there’s nothing left in Kyungsoo for him to take.

It’s a terrifying prospect, but Kyungsoo can’t seem to bring himself to break away.

//

Jongin is triggered on a Friday afternoon.

It isn’t much of a big deal, really, at least not in Kyungsoo’s eyes. The financial year is coming to a close and everyone from accounting is up in arms, trying to close the books on time, retracing incorrect transactions that result in imbalances worth millions. This is why Jongin finds Kyungsoo bent over Baekhyun’s desk, his hands massaging the accountant’s shoulders, Baekhyun’s own covering his face. Kyungsoo tries to calm him down with whispers of reassurances, tries to become the solid foundation that is Chanyeol for Baekhyun while the man is away on a business trip. Baekhyun was one of the first friends Kyungsoo ever made when he was first hired, and there are some people you just seem to hit it off with, some people with whom you are so familiar with that you don’t think much of how or where you touch them, or how it might look to other people.

And with Kyungsoo’s head on Baekhyun’s shoulder and his arms guiding the latter’s back to the keyboard, it looks pretty intimate to Jongin. He tries to ignore the odd stab he feels in his heart and the prickling that starts to attack his eyes, but it’s difficult – more difficult than going over performance reports and deciding if he has to fire the person in question – and he’s pretty sure he’s about to break.

But he’s the son of the infamous Mr Kim, the man whose very name strikes fear in his business competitors, the man whose smiles are cyanide to anyone who crosses him. Jongin knows the men of his blood are strong, independent, and used to getting what they want – and goddammit, Jongin wants Kyungsoo.

There’s a meeting with the head of Finance and the head of Accounting in the evening, one that is attended by Mr Kim, Kyungsoo, Jongin, and about 15 other people. They’re all seated around a long, glass topped table in one of the larger conference rooms. Jongin knows how this procedure goes – has been through it since before he graduated, so he can afford to zone out. He focuses on Kyungsoo’s eyes, wide and barely blinking, and wills him to look his way. He stares until Kyungsoo’s eyes flicker towards his, and he nods almost imperceptibly at the door. Jongin excuses himself and gets up, exiting the conference room and shutting himself into the nearest supply closet.

He stands there alone, amongst the shelves of A4 paper and pencils and any assortment of office supplies until he hears familiar footsteps echoing outside, breaking the silence of the hallway. He throws the door open and narrowly avoids catching Kyungsoo with it across the face, reaches out to yank the older man in with him. He makes sure to lock the door before he slams Kyungsoo up against it, swallowing the yelp Kyungsoo gives out with his mouth.

‘Jong – Jongin, what the hell is wrong with you?’ Kyungsoo manages to say, voice tinged with the slightest of alarm as Jongin unbuttons his shirt and attacks his neck with vigour. ‘I saw you today. You and that accountant friend of yours,’ Jongin murmurs against Kyungsoo’s skin, and suddenly it all becomes clear to Kyungsoo, and he feels anger boiling in the pit of his stomach, acid rage that he just can’t contain.

Because there’s something more possessive in the way Jongin kisses him, something more territorial in the touches he receives. He all but shoves Jongin off him when the younger whispers a quiet ‘You’re mine,’ in his ear, skin flushed from anger instead of Jongin’s ministrations. ‘What do you mean, I’m yours?’ Kyungsoo asks, and he only keeps his voice low because anyone could be passing by at that moment, anyone could hear them. The caution he has to take irritates him further, because this is just like Jongin, isn’t it? Just like him to throw caution to the wind and do whatever the hell he wants just because he can.

‘Babe, I didn’t mean –’ Jongin says, but Kyungsoo cuts him off. ‘Don’t give me that “babe” bullshit now, Jongin! I’m not yours. I’ve never been yours. And do you know why? It’s because you never wanted me to be yours, just like how it never crossed your mind that I might want you to be mine. I’m not some kind of doll, Jongin, I’m not a thing that happens to fall into you whenever you want. I have feelings, and emotions, and I’ve laid out my entire freaking soul to you, and I still don’t know how you are on the inside. I don’t know anything about you, I don’t know you. And you know what?’ Kyungsoo’s eyes have a dangerous glint to them, his hands coming up to redo his tie and pat his hair down.

Jongin holds his breath and doesn’t answer, wary of how Kyungsoo’s eyes seem to cut right through him like a knife, how they hurt more than any kind of physical pain he’s ever experienced before in his life. Kyungsoo stares evenly at him, and he calms down enough for his words to come out in monotone: ‘I’m fucking done.’

Kyungsoo leaves, and Jongin doesn’t try to stop him.

//

Kyungsoo’s phone doesn’t ring, and Jongin’s is almost always off. They don’t say anything to each other anymore, appointment reminders given via post-its Kyungsoo sticks on Jongin’s monitor, and Jongin refreshes his office supplies himself.

Kyungsoo doesn’t smile anymore.

Jongin all but withers away.

//

Sometimes dreams aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. Sometimes there’s a reason why most people never have a dream come true, a reason why dreams are meant to be unattainable. Dreams are meant to be the light at the end of a hopelessly long tunnel, a vision towards which people reach out, try to grasp, struggle desperately to feel between their fingers only to be defeated in the process.

Kyungsoo works himself to the bone every day, too afraid of the visions that come to him at night, too afraid of reminders of things that technically never were. It works, for the most part – when he comes home, exhausted to his very bones, his mind is too tired to generate images for him to wonder at in his sleep, and the insides of his eyelids are black once again. Kyungsoo doesn’t dream anymore.

As for Jongin, well – Jongin just never sleeps.

//

Just a little over a month passes and Jongin looks terrible. The bags under his eyes seem to have multiplied, and makeup artists start spending more time on him before pictorials, because he’s still a public figure in the business world after all, and he’s still young and rich and handsome, and Mr Kim still wants that good publicity rolling in.

Kim Jongin, the golden child. Kim Jongin, the heir to the Kim empire. Kim Jongin, with looks and smarts and a different class of charm altogether.

Mr Kim doesn’t let Jongin’s deterioration in appearance go unnoticed, however. And he’s a smart man – the people he’s manufactured and others still that he’s broken can attest to that.

Which is why, Kyungsoo supposes, he shouldn’t be all that surprised when he gets confronted.

It’s a Saturday morning and Mr Kim has been invited to a few rounds of golf with some very important people, which is why Kyungsoo is with him. It’s rare for his boss to call him out to work on weekends, so when he does, Kyungsoo never refuses. They’re standing out on the greens, five CEOs and their respective personal assistants, admiring the small ball as it flies across the sky. Kyungsoo’s eyes are fixated on it, wonders how hard it was hit for it to fly that far when Mr Kim taps him lightly on his shoulder.

‘Kyungsoo, I would like a word with you.’ he says, taking a few steps away from the others. Kyungsoo gulps, aware of how serious Mr Kim’s tone is. He braces himself as his mind flashes through all the things he’s done in the past, wondering where he’s slipped up, what could be the cause of his impending dismissal – when Mr Kim opens his mouth to speak again. ‘My son is suffering, and I am almost certain that the cause of all this is you.’

Kyungsoo eyes go wide and his mouth drops open, surprised at Mr Kim’s blatant words. ‘I – Sir, I really have no idea what you’re tal –’ Kyungsoo stutters, before Mr Kim holds a hand up to silence him.

‘Stop. You’ve both done extremely well hiding this from the rest of the world, but not from me. I know I’m not up for adding a Father of the Year trophy to my cabinet, but I know my son. I know when he is startled, I know when he is unhappy, I know when he is suffering. I know when he is – dare I say it – in love. My son is a lot of things, Kyungsoo – he is smart, good looking and has a good head on his shoulders. I’m not just saying that because he is my son, I am saying that as a matter of fact. One thing he isn’t, though – that he has never been – is brave. My son shies away from emotions, avoids them like the plague. It’s useful when it comes to making business decisions, yes – but not when he needs to make decisions of the heart. He faces a bright and altogether heavy future, Kyungsoo. He has my shoes to fill, and no Mrs Kim – as I had, even when I was younger than he is now – at his side as he attempts to do it. I am acutely aware that it is not my place to tell you what to do, for my son’s happiness. But something tells me his happiness will be as much yours as it is his if – and when – the two of you choose to word toward it.’

Mr Kim’s eyes steadily grow warmer, and Kyungsoo feels his face flush. ‘If not for him – do it for yourself, boy.’ he says finally, and Kyungsoo is left to think.

//

He doesn’t know how he ends up in Jongin’s apartment again, but there he is. It’s a room he’s never been in, though, one that is devoid of furniture altogether, floor length mirrors lining one wall, a lone sound system in one corner. He’s leaning up against a regular wall facing the door, waiting for Jongin to come in. He’d shown up unannounced, pokerfaced, and had told Jongin, without bothering to sugarcoat his words: ‘If you want us to happen, if you want us to work out, you have to show me the human side of you. I don’t want to be Kim Jongin, the business heir’s secret lover. I don’t want to be kept in the dark when it comes to how you’re feeling, what you’re doing, all those things. I want to be with you and only you, but I can’t if you won’t even tell me who you are. So show me, and I’ll stay. For as long as you want.’

And so there he is, in the middle of a sunny Saturday afternoon, legs stretched out on the floor in front of him as he stares at the door, willing it to open. When it does, Jongin comes through it dressed in a white wife beater and loose black sweatpants, his iPod and a sheet of paper in one hand. Kyungsoo cocks an eyebrow at him.

‘I – you wanted me to show you who I really am, and I’m… I’m going to show you now. I know you know I’m no good with words, and it’s probably because Father always told me not to say more than I need to. So I had to find a different way to express myself and – and I’m going to dance for you now, and even if you don’t get what I’m trying to say… I hope you’ll just – stay. And watch. That’s all I’ll ever ask.’

Jongin steps toward the sound system and hooks his iPod up to it, before handing Kyungsoo the piece of paper. It’s got lyrics on it and he looks up in surprise at Jongin, wondering what it is he wants from the older. ‘Your resume said you sang in college. You don’t have to now, I’m not gonna force you but – yeah. If you want, you should.’ Jongin says, and Kyungsoo’s heart warms at how endearing Jongin seems now.

Jongin presses play and skids to the centre of the room, deep breaths filling his lungs as the music starts up. A beat and a melody come together beautifully and echo in the emptiness of the room, and Kyungsoo is reminded of that first night he saw Jongin’s body move, the first night he fell into bed with him, the night he came to realise he might like Jongin more than he should.

Jongin’s body moves with the same elegance, dipping low according to the beat, his arms stretching out just so. Kyungsoo’s eyes follow him across the room and every gesture, every motion seems so measured and at the same time, so free, a fusion of two opposite ends of the spectrum that blend together so well. There is care taken in every step Jongin makes, and there is passion burning under his skin as he turns, and Kyungsoo thinks he finally gets it.

He smiles to himself as he looks down at the piece of paper still in his hands and opens his mouth to sing, missing the way Jongin misses a step and almost sends himself hurtling to the ground in his surprise. Kyungsoo’s voice mixes in fantastically with the beat, lyrics and notes coming together in such a way that it’s Jongin’s turn to be left breathless. Kyungsoo smiles a little smile as he continues singing, eyes fluttering shut so he doesn’t notice Jongin coming closer, doesn’t register the younger’s presence until Jongin’s so close his breath fans across Kyungsoo’s lips, and he’s staring at them intently.

‘You have a beautiful voice.’ Can I kiss you?
‘You have a beautiful… Dance. Movements. Things.’ Yes.

Jongin and Kyungsoo share a smile before they press their first whispered I love yous between their lips, and it’s different this time, they’re different – they’re just Jongin and just Kyungsoo, and everything just seems right.

Sometimes Kyungsoo wonders why dreams come true in the oddest ways. He wonders about how this particular dream will play out, the one where he gets Jongin by his side, gets to go home to him every night, gets to hold him until he falls asleep. He wonders what the future holds for the two of them, sometimes, when he’s cooking them dinner or when he has a slow day at the office – before he catches sight of Jongin’s smiling face and decides that they’ll cross whatever bridges necessary when they come to them.

Sometimes Jongin wonders if it was the thrill of possibly getting caught that kept him coming back, that kept his arms open for Kyungsoo to fall into. He wonders if it was because he liked Kyungsoo’s smile, liked the way it feels against his own, liked how easily the older came undone at his fingertips.

Sometimes he wonders instead if, maybe, it was just the thrill of possibly falling in love all along.

A/N: WOWOWOWOOWOWOWOWO WHAT HAVE I DONE
A PILE OF BULL TBH
Extension of a drabble in the previous post that I am currently too lazy to link haha I’m sorry
This has not been edited and I will edit it as soon as time permits me
Hi I am cry
I am die
Also I swore in this fic for the first time ever wowowoowow i feel rly bad
Thank you for reading
This is going to be my last fic until at least the end of Ramadhan, and by then I'll have started my second sem so :| probably gonna be the last thing I write in a while haha
Emma out!!!!

Comments

[caressingflames.livejournal.com]

spot for Charm!!!!
(if she still wants it)
(i doubt so)

[sengen35.livejournal.com]

OF COURSE I WANT THIS WAIT LET ME READ THIS SCREAMS

[sengen35.livejournal.com]

OKAY I AM DONE WITH YOU EMMA 100000000000000X
SO I HAVE SCHOOL IN LIKE 30 MIN AND I AM CURRENTLY FIXING IMBALANCES ON MY SPREADSHEET TOO AND I AM BAEKHYUN AND I NEED SOO BUT OKAY JONGIN YOU CAN HAVE HIM

OH WAIT / turns off caps /

I WILL REPEAT THIS. CAN I LOVE ON MR. KIM BC HE IS THE EPITOME OF AWESOMENESS!
cries eternally
i cry at the 'first press of i love yous' bye / shoots self on the back if that is even possible / and omg the supply closet crying so hard bc i always wanted this / casually hurls jongin and soo in a suit going back inside the car at you /

i can actually feel kyungsoo's frustration and jongin's too bc wow everything is so fucked up in the business world and everyone is anyone's dirty little secret but soo ain't dirty he's just a little adorable secret

AND EMMA I TOLD YOU I WILL FOREVER LOVE YOU AND NW I AM DRWNING IN EMMA FEELS BYE huhuhhuu

/ replays jongin faltering a step when kyungsoo sings /
i LOVE YOU EMMA HUHUU

[caressingflames.livejournal.com]

HEHEHEHEHE I LOVE ACCOUNTING HEHEHEHEHE

WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP TALKING ABOUT MR KIM THE POOR MAN IS OLD AND TIRED LET HIM REST

heheheheh but no really thank you for reading charm i love you to <3333

;-;

[beepboopbleeps.livejournal.com]

wow I love this!!!!!!!!!!!! I like how Mr.Kim isn't like that one father (that completely doesn't know), like he cares. that was nice. I thoroughly enjoyed it...

Also Jongin being immediately drawn in by Kyungsoo--- cute

Re: ;-;

[caressingflames.livejournal.com]

anything kaisoo is cute hehehhe thank you for reading!!!!!

[coaled.livejournal.com]

oh my god emma oh my god

YOU'RE THROUGH WITH THIS AND WHAT ELSE CAN I SAY BUT I LOVE THIS TO BITS!?!?! because yes!!! CEO!au with kaisoo how frickin hot is that? after all that raving on twitter omg you're finally done with this!!! YAY FOR YOU (and for me bc I get to read this glorious thing!!)

I love the characterisations in this ughhhh jongin just needs some company OH MY GOD I was smiling so hard when he got jealous of BAEKSOO bc ;___; you wrote of his jealousy so well! and the intense dialogue between kyungsoo & jongin after that -- the frustrations that kyungsoo feels etc etc omg it was rly well-written!!

;___; and then jongin dancing at the end omg ok just ;;;;; idk I really like that scene as well, it's brilliant how you show him as not being expressive with words but being able to express himself through dance <3

thank you for completing this and I just wanna say that I really enjoyed this!! <3333

[caressingflames.livejournal.com]

hey saph this morning my feet were cold and i read this comment and i was like my feet are so //coaled// GET IT HAHAHHAHA ok nvm

yes omg it's done i am done i can rest and jongin is the most protective little shit even out of fic okay ugh heeheheheh

thank you so much for reading saph you are so nice to me when you're not trying to punch me in the throat hehehhehehe

[hokaidos.livejournal.com]

SCREAMING MY BALLS OFF IN THE BUS EMMA I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IM GONNA GENTLY SQUEEZE THE LIFE OUT OF YOU YOU DONT KNOW HOW MUCH I LIKED THIS i think this is one is my favorite story from you and i was kinda sad bc my eyes widened when i read the part where kyungsoo falls into bed with jongin and i was so certain there was going to be smut -inserts horny face- aNYWAY I REALLY LOVE CEO!JONGIN AND POSSESSIVE JONGIN IT MAKES ME FEEL SO FUZZY AND WARM INSIDE sobs thank you so much for writing this for me ♥♥♥ i love you like how i love strawberry ice cream with a cherry on top im looking forward to more of your works SPECIFICALLY FLUFF

[caressingflames.livejournal.com]

'GENTLY SQUEEZE THE LIFE OUT OF' ME HUIRU I LOVE YOUR REACTIONS THEY ARE THE ABSOLUTE BEST

and u should kno by now i don't do smut nope /steps away from NC17

hehehehehheheheh no problem thank you for reading huiru i love you too!!!!

[prettyminstrel.livejournal.com]

screaming

;A;

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH OMG

i really love it when authors included kyungsoo's voice singing and jongin's dance talent bc gdi those two are my def favs of their role in exo

this is beautiful thanks for writing!

[caressingflames.livejournal.com]

thank you so much for reading!!! :)

[starsthatlast.livejournal.com]

SPOT SPOT SPOT SPOT MINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[starsthatlast.livejournal.com]

SJDHAIJSHDIUGFSAHDAIGSD WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT JFC EMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I WANT TO KILL YOUUUUUUUU

GFDI THIS WAS SUCH A GREAT READ LIKE OMG

CRIES FOREVER

U CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE LIKE THIS. YOU JUST CAN'T. LIKE. JFC. CRIES. you broke my heart with their love and im just SOBS the way jongin is such a dick sometimes you wanna punch him in the balls and and and omg

dies.

[caressingflames.livejournal.com]

DON'T KILL ME OMG I NEED TO LIVE FOR 9493 PHOTOBOOK RELEASE

let's punch jongin together //lovingly in the waist because he's hurt poor bb//

thank you for reading pei hehehehhehe

[eexiee.livejournal.com]

so i've had this story open for hours and told myself i wouldn't read it until i finished my homework

it's 1:15 am and my homework is done and i did not mean to stay up this late but i was so intriiiiigued! i haven't read a good kaisoo in a while and i really enjoyed this one. i loooooooved how jongin's dancing was his *secret life* or whatever because i thought it was really really effective.

and i love mr kim goodnight

[caressingflames.livejournal.com]

omg i'm so sorry for stealing your sleep huhuhu but thank you for reading!!!!

[charliebnim.livejournal.com]

THIS WAS SO PERFECT AND BEAUTIFUL !!!!! <3<3<3<3 GDI GULL <3

[caressingflames.livejournal.com]

it's far from perfect tbh ;___; but thank you anyway and thanks for reading!!! :)

[uselessminds.livejournal.com]

SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMS AT YOU EMMA


ASDHGAFJDGHFSKHGSF PLEASE DON'T STOP WRITING KAISOO OMG THIS IS WONDERFUL ;~~~;

AAAAAND I LOVE THE ANGST IN THE MIDDLE OKAY ;u; I LOVE THAT YOU ALMOST BROKE MY HEART SOBSSSSSSS

I LOVE THIS & I LOVE YOU EMMA <3

[caressingflames.livejournal.com]

/covers ears I WON'T DON'T WORRY YNA HAHAHA

thank you for reading omg it's a good thing your heart didn't break i cannot be held responsible for that nope

thank you for reading hehehehheh love you yna <3333

[uselessminds.livejournal.com]

EMMA CAN I JUST SAY THAT I LOVE HOW YOU "ANGST"?!?!?!? like i really really like how you made the angst here so afadghsdjhk like you make me feel like i'm on the edge, on the verge of falling but then you suddenly caught me & LIKE U KNOW THE FEELING WHEN YOUR BEATS SO FAST IT WILL BURST HEUHEUHEHEHEU idek what i'm saying anymore sobs

[wookiescookie.livejournal.com]

the ending is my favourite part like really T__T
i love how kyungsoo asked jongin to show who he really is inside
and jongin does it by dancing and kyungsoo joins in and omg it's such a perfect picture!!!!

‘You have a beautiful voice.’ Can I kiss you?
‘You have a beautiful… Dance. Movements. Things.’ Yes.

My favourite lines huhu so lovely.
I don't know why you said it's a pile of bull it's really sweet T__T
Thank you for this very lovely read!!! And have a great Ramadhan and happy fasting!!!

[caressingflames.livejournal.com]

thank you so much for reading!!! hahaha and thank you! :)

[kodoque.livejournal.com]

Oh my gosh that was beautiful! Lovely lovely! Thank you

[gyuhyuns.livejournal.com]

OH GOD I DECIDED TO READ THIS IN CLASS TODAY (and couldn't finish it there unfortunately fuck) so the first thing i did once i came back home was finishing thise because i LOVE THIS SO MUCH WOW ???
idk i usually find these au fanfics really weird because they seem so unrealistic and idk they often simply doesn't work out and I ADMIT i was sceptical at first but read it anyways and goddammit i'm so glad i did ;A;
the fact i could imagine this whole scenario with all them boys dressed up in fine ass suits, dang.
i really liked the scene in that locked up room it was very dramatic and there was this sexual tension but then he (in my imagination) angrily screamed at him and left and i was (like him) so fucking done ;A;
in contrast the end was kinda cheesy but in a good way cheesy buhu uvu
yeah i think that was everything i wanted to say i'm sad you said this will probably be the last thing you've written in a while but i might just creep up on your old fanfics hehe

[athasshirabu.livejournal.com]

*vomiting sugar because this is just too sweet*
asdgshjsksl
I always LOVE CEO!secretary AU afaghsjaksksl
oh my, jongin, love isn't a business matters boy tsktsk
xD
I almost said poor kyungsoo but then clapped like crazy because Mr. Kim rocks! lol
the ending is just sweet I cannot.
thank you for writing <3

[phaggotsoo.livejournal.com]

sobbing 'cus this is one of the most beautiful things I've ever read ;_________;